It’s About Time

by admin | May 16, 2022 | Uncategorized

The first article about compulsive hoarding was published in 1996. In 2013, the APA published the most recent version of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5) which made Hoarding Disorder (HD) its own separate diagnosis. Yet, here, in 2022, there remains a dearth of resources or research focused on the impacts of parental hoarding on the children who grow up in. Personally, I think it’s about time that changes.

For this reason, I’m launching my professional website which includes a revamped blog about my experiences dealing with a parent who hoards (PWH) and a free resource for adult children who are facing the challenging choice to be involved with their PWH’s ongoing care.

A brief history

In 2009, my mother slid off of her hospital commode–her command station–amongst the piles of trash and treasures she’d amassed throughout her lifetime. As a result, I found myself staring down the painful choice to get involved or not. At that time, I didn’t perceive that I had any other decision that I could make. Thus, I took on my PWH’s complex issues mostly alone.

Without the public support of the crew involved with A&E’s Hoarders, I would have been at a loss. At that time, I could find very few resources available to deal with mother’s hoarding. Still, I decided to do what I could.

Unsurprisingly, I found that my decision to get involved cost me and my own family too much. For example, I spent precious time flying across the country to deal with problems that resulted from my PWH’s previous decisions. Due to my involvement in my PWH’s care, I missed out on important milestones with my own children. More importantly, my near pathological drive to save my PWH from her own mental illness deeply impacted by own mental well-being, re-triggering events from my childhood.

Childhood trauma

Like many of you, my dear readers, I endured adverse childhood experiences (ACEs) as a result of having a PWH. As it turns out, one of the risk factors of experiencing ACEs is having a parent with a mental illness. Logically, a parent with even a mild mental health disorder may not be capable of nurturing and protecting a child. Additionally, studies indicate that families impacted by parental mental illness include unhealthy characteristics such as enmeshment, trauma bonding, and parentification.

To be sure, I am not proposing that a PWH sets out to abuse their children or be neglectful parents. Instead, it may be near impossible for them to provide their children with the basic necessities for a healthy upbringing. Children need structure and consistency that may be lacking in families impacted by hoarding. Sadly, many children will seek escape elsewhere when the conditions in the home aren’t ideal, often at the risk of personal safety. Certainly, finding a place to fit in is challenging for most teens. Those who have been socially isolated by parental hoarding and mental illness may face greater challenges.

Taking a stand

Still today, shockingly few resources exist for families and especially adult children dealing with a PWH. Since 2009, I have done what I can to get trained and work with families and adult children.

I cannot stress it enough: too much time has passed without much in the way of practical resources being developed. Consequently, I created the free workbook for adult children. Be sure to download and share this blog with other adult children, therapists, and social services employees.

It’s time for that to change. To that end, I am launching my professional page and blog which focuses on a unique expert view on hoarding, from the experience of an adult child and clinical social worker.

Questions we need to answer (still)

• How long will it take for our communities to develop adequate services to identify young families where parental hoarding poses a significant risk to the health of the family and children?
• When will the focus on hoarding disorder include a focus on the significant impacts to the health of children across their lifetime?
• When will the experience of those raised by a PWH be the driving focus of research and intervention?

I believe it’s time to address these questions. Not later. Now.

Ultimately, I am working to bring a balanced view of hoarding within families to the forefront of the narrative. To do this, I will continue to write and speak about our unique experiences and knowledge of what hoarding is like for those who have no voice or say in the matter. Humbly, I hope that by sharing both my personal and professional experiences together, a better conversation will begin.

I am working to give children, like myself, a voice and a seat at the table. This is my deepest desire both personally and professionally. I can’t do this kind of work alone, so I welcome your feedback.