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Frequently Asked Questions
Can you help me convince my PWH to accept help or start counseling?
Probably not.
Hoarding disorder is a comorbid disorder, meaning that it occurs alongside other mental health challenges. Depending on what other mental health challenges your PWH has, some PWH may be more open to accepting treatment. If you’re here looking for help to get them to accept help, chances are good that their other disorders have complicated the dynamics of your family’s life and that they lack insight to see their hoarding behaviors as a problem.
It is possible to learn healthier communication styles and to practice healthier boundaries whether your PWH ever acknowledges a need for assistance. In fact, learning how to communicate clearly and to set healthy boundaries is an essential part of coping with the impacts of parental hoarding.
Why don’t forced clean outs work? Shouldn’t we at least try?
People who hoard often form emotional attachments to their possessions, even the items that we might call “junk” or trash. If these items are removed without their knowledge and participation, two things happen. First, this removal of items against their will or without their knowledge is a traumatic event. Many individuals who have survived forced clean outs report feeling victimized, as though someone had robbed or even sexually violated them. Creating a scenario that causes a significant trauma event for another person is never advised. Second, since most people who hoard avoid anything that causes discomfort and have compromised decision-making abilities, making decisions for them and removing items without their active participation robs them of the therapeutic value that participation allows.
There are times when children, other adults, and even animals’ health are so significantly impacted that some level of intervention is necessary. In these cases, outside agencies are typically involved and responsible for the intervention. Forced clean outs by families are well-intentioned but highly discouraged without the cooperation of Child or Adult Protective Services (CPS, APS) or the involvement of Animal Protection (such as ASPCA).
If CPS, APS, or Animal Protection services are involved, why isn’t my PWH being required to complete mental health treatment?
In many instances, the safety of other individuals in the home is prioritized above the mental health care of the PWH. This is frustrating, to say the least, since it means that once the residence is “cleaned up”, things may return to their prior state quickly. At times, these agencies may mandate ongoing mental health services before returning children, vulnerable adults, and animals back to the PWH’s care. However, mandating mental health care does not mean that the PWH is willing to engage with treatment and do the therapeutic work necessary to maintain a changed environment. At times, it is challenging to find a qualified therapist with adequate training and experience treating people with hoarding disorder, compounding the challenges in these instances.
So, if I can’t convince my PWH to get help and outside agencies aren’t interested in the situation, what can I do?
My best recommendation is to find a therapist who is trained in working with family dysfunction, trauma, and codependency and to begin the healing process for yourself. Children who grow up with a parent that has a mental health challenge are at an increased risk for experiencing traumatic events. Even when parents have mild mental illness or chronic health issues, children are often impacted by shifts in the family dynamics that create unhealthy patterns within the family system. These shifts allow the family to remain functioning, yet often have long-term impacts.
Even if your PWH fails to see the need for or to accept help, you can choose to learn healthier boundaries and to enforce them in a way that protects you from further wounds. We can experience personal healing even if our parents never get help, never apologize, and never acknowledge their mental health challenges.
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